The 10 Commandments of London
1. Thou shalt not speak to anyone on the Tube, or any form of public transport. Doing so will instantly mark you out as a perv/fruitcake/drunk/tourist, or possibly all four.
2. Thou shalt not sit next to someone on public transport if there is another seat further away. It's just not done. Londoners might be forced closer than cattle in a truck on a daily basis but they get very territorial about their space.
3. Thou shalt not dqueak about "Mind the Gap". It's just an annoucement folks, it's not that exciting. No need to go "Oooo, ooo, moind the gep!! Moind the gep!!" like tourists do. Sheesh.
4. Thou shalt not stand on a street corner with a map. You might as well wear a sign saying "Mug Me". Be discreet about being lost or ask a local.
5. Thou shalt not standstill on the left hand side of escalators. This part is for people who want to WALK up and down. Stopping is one of the most heinous London crimes and will be greeted with a symphony of tutting and death stares.
6. Thou shalt not smile at anyone on public transport, make eye contact, or in fact show interest in anything apart from yourself. This can be handy if you want some space to yourself though, as a cheesy grin will clear a Tube carriage in seconds.
7. Thou shalt not suddenly stop walking in the middle of a busy pavement. Londeners in a hurry - and Londoners are always in a hurry - can, under bylaw 2008, subsection 2, kill you. (OK, OKK, they can't but they'll want to.)
8. Thou shalt learn to love the queue. It's a national sport. Don't complain, don't comment, don't say anything - just get in line, mate.
9. Thou shalt learn to love the weather and talk about it at all times.
10. Thou shalt not whinge! If there's something worse than a whingeing Pom it's a whingeing Aussie/Kiwi/Saffa. If you don't like it, you know where Heathrow is, luv.
c/o The London Guide, 1st Contact.
2. Thou shalt not sit next to someone on public transport if there is another seat further away. It's just not done. Londoners might be forced closer than cattle in a truck on a daily basis but they get very territorial about their space.
3. Thou shalt not dqueak about "Mind the Gap". It's just an annoucement folks, it's not that exciting. No need to go "Oooo, ooo, moind the gep!! Moind the gep!!" like tourists do. Sheesh.
4. Thou shalt not stand on a street corner with a map. You might as well wear a sign saying "Mug Me". Be discreet about being lost or ask a local.
5. Thou shalt not standstill on the left hand side of escalators. This part is for people who want to WALK up and down. Stopping is one of the most heinous London crimes and will be greeted with a symphony of tutting and death stares.
6. Thou shalt not smile at anyone on public transport, make eye contact, or in fact show interest in anything apart from yourself. This can be handy if you want some space to yourself though, as a cheesy grin will clear a Tube carriage in seconds.
7. Thou shalt not suddenly stop walking in the middle of a busy pavement. Londeners in a hurry - and Londoners are always in a hurry - can, under bylaw 2008, subsection 2, kill you. (OK, OKK, they can't but they'll want to.)
8. Thou shalt learn to love the queue. It's a national sport. Don't complain, don't comment, don't say anything - just get in line, mate.
9. Thou shalt learn to love the weather and talk about it at all times.
10. Thou shalt not whinge! If there's something worse than a whingeing Pom it's a whingeing Aussie/Kiwi/Saffa. If you don't like it, you know where Heathrow is, luv.
c/o The London Guide, 1st Contact.
posted by Nixie! at 6:56 am
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